Cancer sucks, believe, a dream come true, and a little bit of sparkle

Once upon a time, a queen met her king, had a princess, and then was forced to face a fire-breathing dragon.  What follows is the roller coaster of the past few days.


I admittedly have a few posts that I started and couldn’t bring myself to post over the past few days.  Today I’m able to approach everything that happened with a smile in my heart and a little bit of sparkle.

Cancer sucks.  Tomorrow I will attend the memorial service and celebration of life of one of my mommy friends.  We met three years ago when our girls were newborns.  They were in Gymboree together, in a playgroup of “gymkids” together, and in dance class together.  Allie should be celebrating her 32nd birthday in a couple of weeks.  Instead, she lost her 2 year battle with colon and liver cancer on March 1st, at home, surrounded by her family and friends.  She leaves behind her amazing little girl, her incredible husband, and her loving family and friends.  To say I’m devastated for Brian and Riley would minimize what I’m feeling.  I look at my little girl and can’t possibly imagine not being here for her, or her growing up without me.  Things like this aren’t supposed to happen.  Cancer sucks.

Believe.  For two years, this is what Allie told us to do.  Believe in them, believe in her, and believe that she was going to send cancer packing.  And for most of those two years, I was sure she was right.  She never stopped smiling that contagious, beautiful smile.  She never stopped living and being an incredible mom to Riley.  She was there in the mommy & me dance class with her chemo pump on her back.  She was at the park.  It was only last week that I heard she looked sick for the first time.  On Monday morning, I learned that she was in ICU and not expected to make it.  By Monday night, we learned that she was home, unconscious.  Tuesday morning, I purposefully didn’t check my phone/email until I was at a friend’s house because I knew I didn’t want to check it.  I got to my friend’s for a private zumba class, and there it was… the email telling me that Allie lost her battle the night before.  I can no longer believe that she will beat cancer, but for her, I will continue to believe that all things are possible.  I won’t let the little things upset or discourage me.  Those times that my little princess is driving me nuts, I will hug her and love her because Allie can’t do that for Riley any more.  She has changed my life and the lives of so many for the better and for life.  We have a new angel looking out for us.  Believe.

Dreams do come true.  Allie’s dream was of course to beat cancer.  And when she did, she wanted to throw a huge party in a big red barn and have Brad Paisley sing.  His music has been what someone called the soundtrack to her life with Brian and Riley.  A video was made in attempt to get Brad’s attention to do something for Allie’s celebration of life (ideally to have him here live).  I’m happy to say that in less than 24 hours of that video being posted, Brad had not only heard of Allie and seen the video, but he had called Brian.  Dreams really do come true.

A little bit of sparkle.  Today I had the pleasure of hanging out with some new friends at a little home boutique.  Of all of the vendors there, and of all the jewelry that was displayed, this bit of sparkle jumped out at me and called my name.

The photo does not do it justice.  It is a beautiful lime green and clear crystal, sparkly bangle.  I normally would walk right by the green jewelry and head straight to blue (my favorite color) or pink (for my princess).  But today, the sun was shining, people were happy, and this beauty called to me.  It reminds me of Allie and reminds me of the type of person I want to be.  Green for her Relay for Life team logo and as her signature color, sparkly like her smile, and just plain beautiful which is what Allie was both inside and out.  I know that I had posted that my charity of choice for my Rodan + Fields business was the American Heart Association for both February and March, but in honor of Allie’s life and loss, I will be donating to her Relay for Life team.  Allie gave us all just that… a little bit of sparkle.

Allie, I am honored to have known you.  I learned so much from you about how to be courageous and how to truly live life to the fullest.  You will be forever missed.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Lisa Burns
    Mar 26, 2011 @ 02:08:03

    I’m so sorry Bren for the loss of your friend. She sounded amazing.

    Reply

  2. Jennifer
    May 15, 2013 @ 11:58:53

    I came accross your blog regarding my Rodan and Fields business. Love your articles. This one really touched my heart as my husband has been fighting Leukemia for the last two years. We have six children ages 15 to 22 months and I think about them needing him in their lives, every day. Your heart is beautiful and your ability to touch others is far more that you can possibly know. Thank you! Now, I am off to face my fears, so I can go support this family! Love and prayers to you and Allie’s family.

    Reply

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